Lately

I've been fighting melancholy lately...or is it lonliness or do I just miss Scott? I can't predict when it is going to hit...Joel might be home when it happens and he might not. It usually occurs when I don't have anything planned or when plans don't work out. It always happens when I make big plans to go somewhere then decide not to, like Saturday when I planned to drive to Towanda for the funeral then to see Leah then home. I decided it was just too much driving since Leah worked til 6, so I didn't go. I felt good about the decision but then I'd done all my errands and by 1 I was bored and lonely and just, well, melancholy. I haven't felt that way since. Again it goes back to living a purposeful life. Every day I seek to be a blessing to someone else but it is so easy in the summer to fall back into self-focussed living. I go get Adelle but she is pushing limits, taking our time together for granted, and I end up feeling used. I know it isn't about me, but she only wants to eat my food and get on my computer. I can't seem to find things she really wants to do other than that and even then she pushes limits. I do plan to get her today and try to keep her busy. I offered to take her to the movie but she doesn't want to go. So we'll go to the grocery store and the library and come over here so she can snack and look at her facebook. I am looking forward to teaching deep water aerobics today (a little nervous but oh well). The bank appraiser is coming so I can start demo on the bathroom too! I am so anxious for this remodel to get started and I don't know what the hold up is! No melancholy today.