God is so good

I have just been through one of the most difficult weeks of my life. Every single time I have been through something rough, I am blown away but how good God is and how He provides all we need and more always, but even more during trials. There were so many blessings this week. I want to share them with you but also preserve them here. So most of you know that on Monday last week, I got a call at work from my brother that Jean took an overdose of pills and was being rushed to Shawnee Mission Hospital. I left work and got there in time for her to sort of wake up. I came home that night and went to work the next day to get things organized to go back and was surrounded with love and support from my work friends. All week I received texts and calls and emails from all my friends and family and I felt their love and prayers. I spent all week in KC drawing closer to Jean, who apparently needed us so much more than she let on, and had some really awesome times with my dad this week and also my brother. Jean was able to really hug me close and to share her heart with me. We prayed together and cried together many times this week. One special memory is several times as we were leaving the floor, I asked if we could pray and the three of us, Dad, Jean and I would come close with our arms around each other and foreheads touching, praying and crying together. Dad shared his heart with me quite a bit this week also as he wrestled with what happened with Jean but also trying to come to terms with his Alzheimers. I now understand that someone as intelligent and as social as my Dad can fool people into thinking they aren't as progressed with the disease as they are. The social worker told us that lots of people would spend a few minutes with Dad and say he seems fine (for example, Scott spent about 15 minutes with him and said we are overreacting). The more time we spent with Dad, the more impaired we realize he truly is and the more care he needs. It gives me insight into what Jeanie has been going through. Sure, my Dad seems fine. In fact, he is much mellower and easier to get along with than ever. But he wanders in the night and other times. He forgets and even gets into his meds at the wrong times. But he is funny and I really enjoyed my week with him. Night before last we put steaks on the grill and sipped mai tais on the patio and we both really enjoyed ourselves. Dad asked me, "Does Scott do crazy things like this with you?" Each morning we sat together at the breakfast bar in the kitchen eating our cereal and sipping coffee. Yesterday he offered me a year's salary to come live with them. We went for a long walk on a cool trail in the woods and chatted the whole time. We laughed and joked together. On one walk, I told him he gets around pretty well for an old guy and he said, "I'm slowing waaaay down for you." Another awesome blessing was a social worker from the Alzheimer's Association that I just ended up on the phone with (coincidence? I don't think so). She had sooo much knowledge and compassion. She spent two hours on Sunday of Labor Day weekend with us as she recognized the crisis. I learned so much about resources and Alzheimers and she really helped Dave and I come together on some decisions and make a plan. I was able to switch from flailing around to a planned attack. I was able to come home to get ready to head into a tough work week (but I know that God will be with me). My brother is so amazing to take on so much since he lives closer to both Dad and Mom. Really, truly, this has been an incredibly tough week but I feel closer to Dad, to Jean, to my brother, and I feel so much closer to God. No matter how close I get to Him and how endless His wisdom, mercy and provisions seem, there is no end to Him, there is just infinitely more that He has for me. It is so amazing to hit a huge crisis like this and just feel His arms around me and I just lean back into Him and watch Him work out all the details in miraculous ways I could never dream of. We will probably place Dad and Jean in one of the super nice retirement villages there in KC where they will get all they need and we can go see them without worrying about them. A few more details to work out and this will all be ok.

Update

I am feeling guilty because I have completely neglected my family the last few weeks. I want to call and have a great conversation with each of you, then I thought I could email you, then I thought well, I can at least blog you and you'll know what is going on with us and then I can somehow let each one of you know I love you and miss you, I think of you often, and I have each one of you in my prayers! I even missed Julie's birthday this week! I haven't even kept up with you on facebook!

School has started and is full swing. Along with the usual many many things to get started, I am already doing full social work crisis intervention and have already had a staff conflict (which I HATE and avoid at all costs and then have to work really hard to let go of and not beat myself up!) It is hard to get back into getting up in the mornings and balancing my time throughout the week. This year we have a few additional things going on at home too, as you know!

Renovation update: The big room upstairs has been sheetrocked and painted and Jon moved his stuff over there and loves it! It is a great room! We still need to put in the new light fixture. The smaller room has the new antique twin bed set up for guests but will be somewhat of a storeroom also until the whole project is done. The upstairs bathroom is done all except for hanging the cabinet above the toilet. It is beautiful! I will put pictures on facebook as soon as we get it totally done. But I have moved my stuff up there and am sharing it with Jon. I got to soak in the tub after a workout this week! It really is very nice. Yesterday I started demolition on the bathroom downstairs.:)I picked out all the cabinets and countertops for the bathroom and kitchen and yesterday ordered the kitchen appliances!

We enjoy having Jon here but I think I see him about 5 minutes a day if that. He is so busy with his ministry but it is going well. He's made tons of friends and sometimes they pop in with him, too. I think Scott sees him during the day more than I do.

I am still spending time with Adelle each week. We tie dyed t shirts last weekend and sometimes I give her a ride to her youth group. Today we will just look at the shirts, get some orange leaf frozen yogurt, check her facebook and I'm anxious to hear about her first week at the big high school. She turns 16 in November! I had her stuck in my mind at 14!

I did a great job with working out this week and plan to add some variety to things. I did my fitball and step classes on Monday, circuit class on Tuesday, then Wednesday I went over to the new East side gym and did a step class then tried spinning! I made it about 20 minutes because it hurt my bum but I want to do it again! Thursday night I ran anneberg trail (1.7 miles) at a pretty fast pace and only walked a few steps twice! On Friday I did the step plus class. I took one of Scott's soccer players with me (she did the elliptical).

Scott's (well, its my ministry too I suppose) MCC soccer is in full swing. They had the alumni game Thursday then Friday I took Kimber to the gym and then Friday night Scott and I went to the all school pep rally. Saturday night about 10 girls came over and hung out and I fed them a home cooked meal--roast with fixins and blueberry slump. They watched a movie and then we played a couple rounds of dominoes. I enjoyed it very much. Their first game is Tuesday. They (and Scott) can really use some prayers because they are short on players anyway and several key players are injured. Scott has really struggled the last few weeks as it seems like one challenge after another with things not going well.

Joel has settled in again at USC and likes his apartment and class schedule and apartment living. I get to go see him in September because there is a conference there my church is sending me to (on how to do outreach to girls in the strip clubs!) Joel granted me permission to stay in his apartment.

I went to Newton to see Leah on Sunday and she is moved back into a new mod on campus and likes her classes, etc. I haven't talked much to Hannah at all so I need to but she is doing well also and has started classes, too!

I love each of you and miss you! Today I am heading to church then a quick lunch then get Adelle from 1-3 then meeting with the contractor then Bible study here from 6:30-8:30. See? This is what life is like lately. But it is all good, very good!

Endings and Beginnings

My head is whirling with all the endings and beginnings to adjust to in my life lately. I seem to be a person who takes longer to process changes so all these at once is a lot to process. Lots of emotions. Summer is ending. Water jog ended today without being able to actually have the last class due to rumbling thunder in the distance. That was weird. My beautiful tan will now fade. Today was cooler and it reminded me that we can get outside more often and soon it will be fall. School is starting. I push those thoughts out of my mind whenever they pop up. I'm not ready yet this year. Usually I am ready to go back by now. When school does start, I will have sooo much to jump into. I started to list them but that made me think about it too much so I backspaced it. Not ready. Jon is moving in--tomorrow. It will be a new experience having him live here. I am excited to see what God does through him here. Joel is leaving and this marks the end of my kids living at home. I feel sad about that but also ready. He's ready, too. Scott starts his MCC season on Monday. This is really the start of a ministry for both of us. We plan to have all the girls over every Saturday night for dinner and games. I'm excited! And probably the biggest beginning of all--the house remodel! It is overwhelming and exciting and did I mention overwhelming? For a person who takes awhile to process changes, this is major. I have to get used to having people in the house. I have to make tons of decisions pretty much daily. I am trying to simplify and get rid of stuff. It will be a challenge to get used to each room being torn up and we've barely scratched the surface of that! I just keep looking forward to how great it will be when its done. And just below the surface of all these beginnings and endings is the thoughts and emotions of an ending that puts all the rest of these into perspective--the end of Kevin's life. I think about him,and about Shari and the kids multiple times a day. Really, it makes all the changes I'm dealing with seem so trivial. I am so thankful that I have God to turn all my concerns over to. Nothing is too big or too small for Him--He cares about all of it. He takes away my sadness, my fears, my stress, and helps me see things differently so that I can cope. I love you, Lord Jesus.

Summer Summary

This summer has been a roller coaster ride and as usual, seems over way too soon. It started with a high--all the kids and Rob home for a week. The trip to see Leah stands out as a high. Hanging out with Adelle was in itself a roller coaster ride but had some great moments--like hanging out with her friends at the fair and her getting invited to youth group. Teaching water jog was also a roller coaster but I enjoyed it. My favorite class at the gym turned out to be circuit--it seemed I was busy to make it to step or fit ball too often. The trip to Omaha was relaxing and fun. And then the bottom of the roller coaster, losing Kevin. Words can't even describe how hard this was. I don't really need to explain because all of my readers (you, my family) were affected too. It was good to have Hannah home even if it was for this sad occasion. Having Joel home had its ups and downs too. It turns out I was adjusted to having a quiet, non messy house. I have enjoyed spending time with him but the mess and noise (double due to Zeb being glued to Joel) was not always fun. I'm sure I will miss all of it as soon as he goes back to school. I am looking forward to having Jon here. And then the remodel. So interesting. I am discovering that this is not at all like the shows on TV. There is a social protocol for having a house full of plumbers and contractors. You just go along with your life and sort of pretend they aren't here and they go along with thier work and pretend you aren't here. The first day I greeting them in my pj's with my hair sticking up but I am now get up and take my shower before they arrive. Then I have my quiet (ha!) time with them traipsing in and out and up and down the stairs carrying huge pipes and equipment. Its scary and exciting and strange. I can tell it is going to be a total roller coaster, too. They decided that they have to replace the entire large pipe that goes from the basement to the top of the house and also found that the roof is still leaking. But it is all going to be great! It takes a long time, too. A week just to get Joel's room done--the corner sheetrock repaired, sanded, then painted. Oh, I was supposed to be summarizing the summer. I think it will be quite awhile until I can go throughout my days without feeling so sad about Kevin. I can finally concentrate again. I can't imagine what it must be like for Shari and the kids, or for Joyce. Today I got the letters for going back to school. There are always such surprises! Since Woodrow Wilson isn't done with the construction, apparently the 5th and 6th graders will be at Eisenhower! I have so many questions about how that will work! I am supposed to be working on the Hidden Curriculum that I will be teaching with Traci for the kids in the autism program. I have a general idea what to teach. I am soooo not ready for school to start. I am excited for Scott's MCC season to start. He just asked me if we can have a once a week game night with food over here. Yes! Just not Friday nights! Its going to be fun! Well, Scott and I are heading to the movie soon--a last late night out. Summer is almost over!

Beautiful

I've been really into two songs lately: Cloverton's Take Me Into the Beautiful and Gungors's Beautiful Things. So I have decided to do a Bible Study of the word beautiful and do it on my blog instead of in my prayer/Bible study notebook. I'll start with some of the lyrics of the two songs.

Take me into the mystery, gently lift me with Your grace
Make the chaos a chorus, with Yourself come fill this place
Cover me with Your mercy, come and cover me with love
Cover me so that all might see that it's You not me
It is You that I am singing of

Take me into the beautiful
Where the rivers flow
With a love that never ends
Oh I wanna go to the beautiful
lalalalalalala

Take me into the beautiful where the faces glow
With the lights that never dim
Oh I wanna go to the beautiful
Come on and take me again

A love that's brighter than diamonds when I'm with You
A love that always invites us to be with You
Your love is brighter than diamonds now that I'm with You

Take me into the beautiful
Where the rivers flow
With a love that never ends
Oh I wanna go to the beautiful
lalalalalalala

All this pain
I wonder if I'll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

(Chorus)
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

In Matthew 3:2, Jesus healed the man crippled from birth at the gate called Beautiful.

Song of Solomon 7:1 How beautiful your sandaled feet, O prince's daughter...

Romans 10:15... As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!" ...

Song of Solomon 4:1 How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes behind your veil are doves. ... You are beautiful, my darling, beautiful beyond words. ...

Matthew 23:27 "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you ...
... You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the
inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean. ...

Genesis 29:17 Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel was lovely in form ...
Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel was lovely in form, and beautiful. ... There was no sparkle in Leah's eyes, but Rachel had a beautiful figure and a lovely face. ...

Psalm 48:2 Great is Jehovah, and greatly to be praised, In the city of our God, in his holy mountain. 2 Beautiful in elevation, the joy of the whole earth, Is mount Zion, [on] the sides of the north, The city of the great King.

Ecc 3:11 He has made everything beautiful in its time.

Isaiah 4:2 In that day the Branch of the LORD will be beautiful and glorious, and the fruit of the land will be the pride and glory of the survivors in Israel. ..

Did it!

I did it! I demolished the upstairs bathroom getting it ready to remodel. On Tuesday afternoon, I took off the shower surround and uncovered black mold. Tons of it! a It freaked me out and I wasn't masked so I sealed up the room and called it good. On Wednesday, I put on a mask, opened the window and removed as much of the yucky wallboard as I could until I had a headache. Last night I employed the Tom Sawyer method with Joel. He spent about 15 minutes and matched my two hours of labor easily. He loved it! "This is easy mom!." So with little cajoling and offer to pay him, he helped for about 1 1/2 hours today and we finished! Joel mostly pulled off the sheetrock and I scrubbed black mold, removed nails and toted the sheetrock out to the driveway. I also did the research on how to remove the toilet. And voila! Its done! I'll bet I burned some serious calories.

Letters from Adelle

The last two times I've picked up Adelle, she's written me a letter which she reads to me as soon as she gets in the car. Even though she has been pushing my limits lately, these letters are pretty cute.
This one was written on lined index cards:
Dear Ms. Clark: Nicki Minaj lost no. 1 in the eight-at-eight yesterday the same day Tim Cowlinshaw and Woody Paige were stopped cold. I like when I can do my twelve hobbies. If I do dance camp, I'm on the dance team. Sports--I'm out vellyball, basketball, and track this year. I can do volleyball and basketball at the DCC gym. The tennis clinic and Stagg Hill Golf club give me more to offer. I can do it all at once next summer--long as I add weight training to mix for a tug of war. Back to sports--If I'm into soccer and softball, that's fine next summer. According to some people, I can get lockers unstuck. Darby Price update--She wants to know if I can form a fan club and do girls club, which is nice. I helped her when she was hurt, and I wonder if she'll invite me over. Jackie Mac update--she hasn't won since June 29--a span of just one loss. She wins today, the Cowlinshaw and Paige woul do the same, and Nicki Minaj will get No. 1 back. I want a high GPA. The fair offers me a chance at the Idol and Fair Factor, and I have a good team. School activities--I had fun in Thespians, FCA, and Stuco, and will do the same in the variety show, Battle of the Bands, Art Club, Spanish Club, and I had fun in choir. Imagine doing volunteer work, right? Mentor news--can I work for it? I want to see if Darby can read my publications. See you in a bit, Adelle.
This one was written on the back of a peice of notebook paper--I couldn't read the other side. Dear Ms. Clark: Woody Paige won Friday, defeating JA Adande 2-0. Adande led 1-0, but lost his point in the final showdown. Both, along with Bonami Jones, scored 20, but Jackie Mac was limited to 19 and was out after Buy or Sell, so she would go on to never make a showdown this past week. I was watching TV at 4:00 Sunday. You know Around the Horn isn't on air on weekends. Something caught my eye, and there was...Nicki Minaj. A female rapper. I couldn't help but watch it all. When it was over, I thought, "This I could tell you about when we get together in a few days. Surely, I'd tell all my friends on Facebook and the E! Special. Here's what I'll upload for my friends: a video of Nicki Minaj performing "Super Bass." See you in a few days, Adelle. P.S. Can we see a movie or go swimming?