Wednesday morning when I was doing my quiet time, I felt pretty emotional and raw . All along I've felt hopeful and strong. I've had so many people to talk to about this, people to listen, encourage and be there for me and sage wisdom from people who've been through it. Love. The homestead girls prayed over me. That was so precious for me. Love. My office is filled with inspiring plaques, some hand made that people have brought me. Love. One co worker brought a flower and on the card it said, you are strong and beautiful, exactly what I needed to hear at that very moment. Another put a basket together with all sunshine themed gifts. I can't even begin to specifically mention all the love I've been shown in all the variety of ways.
As the day went on Wednesday, the love and encouragement, kind words, and hugs cheered me up. Then Leah coming with Emmet was perfect.
Wednesday during the day I had a conflict with a coworker and it was extremely stressful and obviously very bad timing. That afternoon the doorbell rang and there she stood with flowers. We hugged. Few words were spoken. Love.
Thursday, surgery day, my alarm went off at 5:30. I slept ok, had looked over my prayers for strength before bed and did a guided body scan meditation when I woke once.
Took my bath and took off all my jewelry, etc, had some prayer time, and really wished for my coffee. Scott had cleaned up the kitchen and picked up around the house after I went to bed last night. Love. Then we trudged through the ice and snow out to the car. Scott was stressed about the ice since Leah would be walking on it so he shoveled and put salt down. In the car on the way there, I thought about all that would be on his plate today, being there for me, driving in the ice, toting Leah and my mom around, waiting, entertaining Emmet. He put his hand on my shoulder in the car, quietly. Love.
645 Arrived at the Women's imaging Center and checked in. I changed and when left alone for a couple minutes the tears came. I have been through a lot of minor surgeries so felt prepared for that but have not been prepared for the emotions because of this intimate surgery.
So while we waited for the doctor, my new friend, Jacquie, the nurse, hung out and chatted with me to distract me. Love.
The procedure itself, to insert the guide wires for the surgeon, was difficult for me. I sat up and my breast was clamped into the mammogram machine, two gals and a nice doctor I hadn't met previously helping me. When the doctor gave me the shots to numb my breast, it hurt and more tears came and kept coming. Jacquie asked me several times if I was ok, and the other gal just put her hand on mine and kept it there throughout the procedure. Love.
They put in the wire which was more like a fishing wire, taped it down, bandaged it up, and I got dressed and headed for the hospital. As I left the doctor said, this is just a bump in the road. Love.
I texted Pastor Dave who still planned to drive from his home all the way in timber creek to come be with me. Love. And texted Leah, six months pregnant and with toddler Emmet, and my mom who turns 87 this week, also getting ready to come out in the weather to be with me. Love. And I read up and replied to the many friends from work, Homestead, TRU, CourserLapo, family, and others who were expressing their love and prayers through texts. Love.
Checked in at the hospital and my nurse, Angela, got me ready started the IV. She was calm and kind. Love. Scott went back out into the weather to pick up the girls. Love.
Leah and Scott and Emmet and Mom arrived. Emmet looked around the room then came to the side of the bed and put his arms up. Leah put him on the bed and he gently laid against me, put his little arms around me and his head on my shoulder and just held me. Wow. Love. He did this two times before the surgery and again after. Such love. 
The surgeon, Dr. Pauls, came to see me, reassured me and agreed to also remove an ugly mole from my breast. Love. He also said he didn't think he'd have to take out a lot. Answer to prayers! The nice anesthesiologist also came to reassure me. Love.
Then my friend from TRU, Louisa, walked in. Louisa is the main OR nurse. When she found out I was having surgery on a day she wasn't scheduled to work, she drove from St george in this terrible weather and clocked in, just to care for me. Crazy love. And she put her lucky surgery cap on me. Love.
Leah was standing by my bed and put my hand on her pregnant tummy and I felt grandson #2 move for the first time. Love!!
Pastor Dave arrived just in time and everyone gathered around and holding hands, he prayed a sweet, faithful, simple reassuring prayer. Love.
Louisa wheeled me back to surgery after putting a warm blanket on me. They put on an oxygen mask and said goodnight. I didn't have to go all the way under. I was given a sedative that would erase my memory.
Then I woke up and Louisa wheeled me back to my room. My family came in and I got more hugs and love. Emmet and I shared some water and toast. My mom said some very sweet things to me. I asked if her if she loves me even though I give her so much shit and she said she loves my shit. Love.
Louisa said that in the surgery I raised my praise arms! And I apparently told her I dreamt that my doggie Rex came in and laid by my feet.
Having them all in my recovery room was pretty overwhelming so I said so and they left. Love. I fell into the most amazing rest. I was between sleep and awake but my body was the most relaxed I think I've ever been. When I woke up, the nurse took hardly any time at all to get me ready to go home.
More people texted love and prayers and encouragement. When I got home, the doorbell kept ringing with flower deliveries. I'm not kidding, this has been unbelievable!
I slept until 3 and got up and hung out more with Leah and Emmet and Scott. Leah made dinner for us. Love.
All of this love makes me know even deeper how much God loves me beyond anything I could ever imagine. I have never doubted that I am going to be ok. He said that He will never leave me. god answers prayers! I know all this and I want to shout it from the mountaintops. I want to pay forward all this love that has been shown to me. I am overflowing with love.
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