An Emotional Day

Today was emotional all the way through. Today was the Bully Prevention kick off day so we started with the most fabulous production in an assembly. It was called "Balance of Power" and talked about how life is unfair and how we can accept that and move past it. It gave examples of kids who had it rough who didn't let their circumstances hold them back. It worked in the anti bully message beautifully and was presented through music and song and people that the kids could really relate to. The kids were on the edge of their seats the entire time. Then we went to the classrooms and did class meetings and team building activities with the kids all morning and took them out to play. There was a kid in my group who was full of activity and was sort of challenging but he really got into the discussions and seemed like he had a lot of "ah-ha"moments. During the basketball tournament, he not only impressed the heck out of everyone with his athletic abilities, he demonstrated amazing leadership on the court. I watched him take a teammate who was struggling to the side and give him a pep talk and then comfort and encourage an opponent after the game! It brought tears to my eyes! At lunch my co-teacher and the health aid told about witnessing a horrifying wreck this morning. The car flipped and almost landed on my friend's car and both people were ejected from the car, one of whom landed on the pavement right behind my friend. My co-teacher got out of his car and tried to help the victims. He cried as he told me and so we prayed together. Then the whole school had an all school party and the kids were WAY out of hand and I was fired up trying to help get it under control. I did relax and had a blast at one point doing the two step with the kids. Then I received a report of a group of kids threatening to beat up another kiddo and the Principals were busy supervising so I had to take statements and call parents. This was extremely disappointing after we spent the whole day doing activities to try to prevent this behavior. So I capped all this off by coming home and watching Oprah's extreme dream show where she gave away amazing things to people who truly deserve it. I cried through the entire thing. For example, she gave a vacation to Italy to a mom who had raised her three children completely alone and held down three jobs to keep them out of the homeless shelter. Then she paid off the ladies' kids' student loans and gave her enough money to take a year off! Scott struggles with watching Oprah give so publically but I think that she inspires others by telling these people's stories and also inspires all of us to give also. So after all this emotion today, I think I'll do to bed early, I'm exhausted!

contentment

I am so content lately. I'm content to hang out in my clean, quiet house. I play on my computer on facebook or gmail and I crosstitch. I take a nap after work and go to my exercise classes and come home and shower. I fix something, usually frozen, for two, and watch oprah (tivo'd). Tonight Scott got home early from practice and we ate orange chicken. I crosstitched most of the evening and we watched Monday night football interspersed with American Pickers on the History channel. The dogs come up periodically to play or get a scratch. Scott is bored and I am content!

I'm ok

I'm doing ok with being alone! I do miss the kids quite a bit but I'm adjusting pretty well. The last few weeks were pretty busy with work and something almost every night so I even chose to stay home this weekend instead of go with Scott to the soccer tournament in KC. Leah wanted to see me this weekend too so I'll go to Newton tomorrow for a good chunk of the day. But I wanted to get some things done this weekend, like catch up on my blogging! I like the quiet in the house. I like how it stays clean! I like how I can watch what I want on TV and either listen to my music or have absolute quiet if I want. We've only done about two loads of laundry since the kids left. I bought a bunch of food that they wouldn't have eaten. We only have to run the dishwasher once a week! I can sit in the livingroom in my night gown all evening and not worry about who is coming to the door! Our grocery bill is tons cheaper! I'm ok. But I hope Joel calls today.

Debbie

My friend Debbie died this week. I got to know Debbie when she was the health aide at my school. Her youngest, Aaron, and Hannah used to hang out when they were in middle school and early high school. Debbie and I ate lunch together 2-3 times per week for about 3 or 4 years. We had a lot in common--two girls and the youngest, a boy, all who played soccer. Her husband used to spend a lot of time away from home with soccer activities. Debbie loved dogs and got her puppy, Jack, around the time I got Rex. We got them together a couple of times to play. Debbie had already fought breast cancer when I hung out with her. Then it came back in her bones and her liver but she beat that, too. She stopped working after the chemo and radiation wore her down. And then the cancer came back into her brain. I visited Debbie two weeks ago and got to pray with her and reassure her of heaven. She joked with us even then. The last thing she said to me was, "I like your pink shorts!". Here she was laying in a hospital bed with oxygen and an iv and no use of her legs and she was complimenting me! Debbie was always open about her cancer and she was so brave. She kept a great sense of humor and always wanted to know how I was (pretty remarkable). I read what her husband wrote about the moment she died (at home with her family and dogs nearby). I cried like a baby because it said her little dog, Jack, howled right at the moment she died. It was about the sadest thing I've ever heard. I will miss Debbie. I hope she is loving heaven.

Hannah

Today is Hannah's 22 birthday. I talked to her a little on the phone today and reminded her that on MY 22nd birthday, I was getting married! Anyway, 22 years ago today, I gave birth to our first child, a girl, Hannah Julaine Clark. After two miscarraiges, we got pregnant with Hannah. We got to see her in a sonogram at 8 weeks gestation. Her tiny heart was beating and she looked like a fish but we loved her instantly! I had to stop working with 6 weeks left in my pregnancy and lay around because I'd started to dialate and then she was born right on time! I went into labor at about 5:30 in the morning. We got to the hospital about 8. My labor was pretty intense--got stuck in transition for hours. My regular doctor wasn't there so this male doctor and Scott watched football while I pushed forever. The idiot had me laying on my back with my feet up in stirrups. Finally, he gave me some shots in my hips and stuck these huge forceps in and yanked out Hannah! They weighed her and wrapped her up and handed her to Scott before I got to hold her. He handed her to me immediately. My first thought when I saw her was, "Oh my God, I've given birth to my sister in law!" She really looked like Shari. She knew my voice immediately and was hungry right away. She sucked all my baby weight off me the first week. She weighed 9 lbs 2 ounces and looked like she was three months old at birth. Scott and I were THRILLED! You'd think he'd want a boy first but he wanted a tough girl whose sports he could coach. I wanted a girly girl. We both got exactly what we wanted. Flash forward 18 years and I have a picture of Hannah at her senior prom with long, beautiful, curly blonde hair, a fabulous body, long legs, dressed in an aqua blue sequined gown looking like a model. But she'd go out on the soccer field and knock anyone flying who got in her way! My Hannah. Hannah came out independent and demanding. When she cried as a baby, everyone jumped up to get her what she wanted. No room is ever the same when she's in it. She is funny and smart and creative tender and strong. She's loud and silly and cusses like a sailor. Hannah has the most incredible people skills--she can talk anyone into anything and they think it was their idea! If she wants something, she goes after it. She's a peace maker and a problem solver. Hannah is a fantastic artist, athlete, and rock climber. I miss her very much and wish I was with her today. I'm going to see her on October 1 and I can't wait! I love you, Hannah-belle aka Hanny Banny.

Tough Times...He is there

This has been a tough week, week and a half. It was so hard to send Joel off to California and then adjust to that. I started back to work last week and then school started this week. Then Monday I was in an accident. I was coming down Delaware and a 15 year old on a bike came fast down the alley and ran the stop sign, hit my bumper, then flipped onto my hood and then onto the street. Everyone's worst nightmare. I was supernaturally calm through the entire thing and afterward. And God was also apparently with the boy who although bleeding and taken to the hospital by ambulance, only had a few staples and went to school the next day. His parents were already seeing the blessing in it when they called me as the young man and his friends are all convinced now to wear helmets.
Today I took Leah back to school. Someone once said that to have kids is to have part of yourself walking around outside yourself forever. Having my kids live in various places does feel like parts of me are missing. I still have the part of me that's always me and the part of me that is Scott's. And when I see each of my kids or talk to them, I think, ""Oh, there's that part of me." Its only when all 5 of us are together that I feel whole. But right after I dropped her off, I was crying in the car and God actually said to me, "I'm all you need, I'm right here, Diane." So cool. It has been a tough week and a half but He has been right here. How do people who don't know Him do this?

We did it!

These are some random pics I took of Joel "being" at home last week in anticipation of missing him. We did it! We put Joel on the plane to California and he got there safely! All summer I've been asking Joel how he was feeling and he said he was ready, anxious for the time to pass so he could go. The the week before he left, he admitted to feeling sad. One day when we were at Chipotle (our favorite regular place) he put down half of his double barbacoa, double rice burrito and said his "apple-a-tite" was affected. I grieved all summer and walked around with a huge lump in my throat for weeks before he left! I didn't sleep for about three nights in a row at all then the night before he left,I went to bed at 9:30 and slept hard. Joel had broken up with his girlfriend (painful for everyone involved) and had thrown himself into a fantasy draft with his Dad downstairs. When I got up at 4:30 am to get ready to leave, some of Joel's friends were in the livingroom with him--they had stayed up all night! Watching them say good bye was hard but I kept it together. In the car, Joel said, "I don't think I'll ever have friends like that again." We explained to him that no, he won't, but with a little effort, he'll keep those friends forever and make new friends that will also be great lifetime friends.

We got to the airport and checked him in with no problems and ate breakfast. I started to lump up but I was determined not to cry for Joel's sake. When it was time, we each hugged him goodbye and sent him up the ramp. We went toward the door then turned to watch him get through security. That's when I lost it and so did Leah. I sobbed hard all the way to the van and most of the way home. I was physically ill with it. I told Scott that this was hands down the hardest thing I've been through--harder than miscarriages and births and deaths, everything. Scott said he was ok because he was focused on how excited he is for Joel and how this was some sort of spiritual fulfillment of his personal dreams for himself that hadn't been realized, now being carried out through Joel. Scott always knows just what to say to help me. He's been there through every hard thing I've experienced.

When we got home, I ate and napped and got feeling better physically. Joel texted his progress through the trip, gate connections, etc) and it went very smoothly. He called me Wednesday night and Thursday night. He'd had a few hitches (having to drag his stuff a lot farther across campus than planned and getting blisters, finally finding food he liked in the cafeteria but having to evacuate for a small grill fire, dropping the top book off his pile in the bookstore and it jamming between the wall and the escalator, and almost dehydrating) but he kept a great attitude and sounded very positive on the phone. By Friday night he had made lots of friends and was having such a good time he couldn't squeeze in a minute to call.

I am awestruck by the incredible bravery of my son to pack up everything he owns and leave everyone and everything he loves and taking off across the country. I'm so very proud of him. We did it!