Now I'm at my Dad's. Drove up here from Newton.
My Dad is doing great. He's settled in here at Aberdeen and even though he's lonely and doesn't feel a real connection to the people here yet (other than all the women who are crazy about him), he's making the best of it. He goes to swim aerobics three times a week and played golf with his old friends the last two weeks. He walks to the grocery store even though it is hard for him to find his way back to the same door.
Alzheimer's is interesting. It forces one to be really present in the now. Dad doesn't have much memory for 5 minutes ago, earlier today, or yesterday or last week. But he remembers random, insignificant facts, like that none of the kids or me used to like salad. I am so proud of how Dad copes with his memory loss--you can tell he used to be a manager because he constantly problem solves. He doesn't get impatient with himself when he can't remember. His personality has mellowed. He doesn't get snappy or stressed. He's kept his sense of humor and fun and is up for doing about anything. He just handles all these changes that have been thrust upon him. He is very loving and affectionate and appreciative. I enjoy spending time with him.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Today
So today I got up at 8 and got ready and drove to Newton to see Leah. Fall fest! I also knew my old friend, Lori, would be in town. We hadn't seen each other in 15 years and hadn't talked in that long too! I found her recently on facebook so that's how I knew she was coming to Newton. She lost her husband, Mike, also our friend from college, to a brain anuerism 4 1/2 years ago. Leah and I walked to Mojo's and ran into David on the way. I had amish egg casserole--yummy and a cinnamon roll that Leah had made and coffee. It was raining when we came out. I had called and texted Lori and no answer so we walked around and finally found her! It was as if no time at all had passed! She lives in New York--in the Hamptons. It sounds amazing--the beach, surrounded by farms and near enough to explore the city. She invited me to come next summer! We walked around and talked and listened to jazz in the tent and went to Mojo's with Leah and with Maggie, her neice, who is Leah's mod mate! It is a truly small world. I love friends that you can see after that long and take up right where you left off.
More USC
A zillion bikes and skateboards whizzing along wide sidewalks with brick decorations. Lots of fountains, trees, grass, flowers. Many asian students, lots of security guards. Joel lives by an interesting intersection that runs quickly through the cars' turns then a sound happens and all the pedestrians, skateboarders and bicylists go at once, including diagonally. There's a cool tree with intricate roots all sticking above ground. Joel walks by his friend Alicia, Marianne and Carly's apartment on the way to his and he stops in often when they are home. They are nice, friendly girls. Joel's roommates are Sam, who is dark haired and wears put together, pressed clothes, perfect hair, shaved and has a sassy side. Nate is small and wears dark glasses and is very sweet and funny. Forrest is unshaven like Joel and is in interactive with Joel.
Today I sat in the perfect, sunny weather on a bench on campus near perfectly groomed green grass and watched Joel play quidditch. I enjoyed it very much. Lots of interesting people walked by--asian guys in suits with briefcases and cell phones. Skater guys on trick bikes with the giant earrings in their earlobes. Girls in low cut tops and mini skirts. Guys in pajama pants. A girl with a case of beer. And lots of regular looking college kids too.
After quidditch we walked over to Chipotle which I'd eaten at before when I came with Joel to orientation. The prices were a full dollar lower than at home! We sat outside and Juan came down (he lives upstairs of Chipotle). I liked him very much. He is older, has been in the army. Joel stayed with him this summer. He looks out for Joel. We walked to the cinema school lab and watched the short film that Joel and Juan made recently starring Joel. It starts in a forest with Joel looking around and he finds a table. When he puts his hand on the table, he is transported to a beach! The table is there so he touches it again and transports to a parking garage. He touches it successively and is transported each time to a different location instantly--one of which was a glass sided elevator going down!
We walked back to the apartment and sat around with Nate, Forrest and Alicia who were studying then Joel and I sat by the pool where we napped and I read. It was a tiny bit cool so we changed to jeans and walked to catch the shuttle to downtown LA to watch a movie--only the shuttle wasn't running! We walked to Dominoes and got pizza and sat outside the Zumekis center and ate. We walked back to the apartment and stopped by to visit awhile with the girls and Nate and Forrest were there too. We went back to the apartment and Joel played smash brothers.
Today I sat in the perfect, sunny weather on a bench on campus near perfectly groomed green grass and watched Joel play quidditch. I enjoyed it very much. Lots of interesting people walked by--asian guys in suits with briefcases and cell phones. Skater guys on trick bikes with the giant earrings in their earlobes. Girls in low cut tops and mini skirts. Guys in pajama pants. A girl with a case of beer. And lots of regular looking college kids too.
After quidditch we walked over to Chipotle which I'd eaten at before when I came with Joel to orientation. The prices were a full dollar lower than at home! We sat outside and Juan came down (he lives upstairs of Chipotle). I liked him very much. He is older, has been in the army. Joel stayed with him this summer. He looks out for Joel. We walked to the cinema school lab and watched the short film that Joel and Juan made recently starring Joel. It starts in a forest with Joel looking around and he finds a table. When he puts his hand on the table, he is transported to a beach! The table is there so he touches it again and transports to a parking garage. He touches it successively and is transported each time to a different location instantly--one of which was a glass sided elevator going down!
We walked back to the apartment and sat around with Nate, Forrest and Alicia who were studying then Joel and I sat by the pool where we napped and I read. It was a tiny bit cool so we changed to jeans and walked to catch the shuttle to downtown LA to watch a movie--only the shuttle wasn't running! We walked to Dominoes and got pizza and sat outside the Zumekis center and ate. We walked back to the apartment and stopped by to visit awhile with the girls and Nate and Forrest were there too. We went back to the apartment and Joel played smash brothers.
Joel
Oh, Joel, I am so proud of you! You came across the US to places completely unknown and made a great place for yourself. You have such nice roommates, kind, approachable, comfortable and you have tons of great friends who appreciate you for who you are. You have welcomed me here with open arms and made my stay comfortable and enjoyable. You made a cozy place for me to sleep (in the closet) and knowing you, you were providing me with the very best since you love to sleep in closets! I love that your apartment is quiet, relaxing, serene, even mostly clean! (Except your room, of course). Last night when you wer filming your thriller video with your roommates, it was just like when you used to play pretend and giggle with your friends only now you have a real camera and lights You are so in your element. And I love that you are on the quidditch team! So perfect! I'm proud of you for pursuing this fraternity (co-ed--also so you) and being a part of a social community. You make great choices! You are an amzing person. I'm proud to be your mom.
LA Treasures Conference
About noon, got in the taxi at USC and off I went on the 405 freeway and then the 101, past the Hollywood sign on the hill to Van Nuys Blvd. I ate lunch in the cab and looked at sights and watched the video posted on the back of the seat. The taxi got to the address and I swiped my credit card ($60!) and he gave me my suitcase and left. I looked around and saw nothing. I finally found a sign that had fallen over. I was in the right place! I went upstairs and registered and waited and talked to the gal at the table. Other women started showing up. I had worn the right clothes--my jeans and flat shoes and fluffy blouse. About 25 women were there but no one sat by me. We introduced ourselves and everyone else were from larger cities. Most had come in groups but a few came alone. Some where women who had worked in the sex industry. We were all there for a purpose--to reach out to girls in the clubs who are hurting and need Jesus.
I was distracted from the start having just left Joel at USC, all that is going on at home with my parents, and not feeling real well from a cold. They talked about the ministry and the outreach and I couldn't concentrate well. I was concerned about how I would get back to the hotel for the break. I needed food and rest and to regroup and freshen up. When they started talking about the actual outreach and what we would see in the clubs--full nudity, lap dances, and that we'd be going into "hostess clubs" or brothels, I started to feel afraid. What in the world was I doing here? I wanted to skip the outreach part and I considered just staying at the hotel. So when the afternoon ended, I stood up and asked if anyone was going to the hotel. A lady Pastor said she was so I rode back. I tried to rest, called home to check on Dad, ate some food from the vending machine and washed my face and changed into a black jacket and my boots and jeans and went back to the Treasures office. I still felt distracted and scared and did NOT want to see anyone doing a naked lap dance!
When I got there, there was a gal sitting alone and I remembered she'd said she'd been in the industry previously and she'd come alone too. She looked terrified. I went over to her and asked if she was ok. She said she wanted to leave, that she wasn't like the other girls and she had no idea why she was there. I told her I felt the exact same way! I started saying all the exact things I need to hear myself--that God wanted her there for a reason and that He knew what her purpose was--maybe she could reach the girls no one else could! Then another girl, Sharon, who was all put together and confident looking came over and said she was scared too! We all prayed together. We all worshipped as a group and it helped me focus some and calm down some. Then we all stood and they asked for volunteers to pray. Usually, God lays it on my heart to pray but for some reason, He didn't at all that weekend. We prayed for the bouncers, managers, house moms, the team, the girls on the team who'd be going back into the clubs for the first time after leaving the industry, all the girls in the clubs and over the gifts bags themselves. They told us that we were to just give the gifts to the girls and express unconditional love toward them. I felt weird about this because I was leaving and would never see them again but they explained that we were to gain trust for Treasures in general.
We divided up into two shuttles. One would go to downtown LA and mine was headed to Hollywood, Sunset Strip and West LA. I was excited to see these places I've never been. I sat on the shuttle with Sharon, a neat gal who is head of a ministry that encourages women to be in the Word. I shared my story with her and tried to stay focused but I did keep breaking their rules by texting the family.
We paired up and took turns going into the clubs to give the gifts to the girls. The bags had lip gloss, cool earrings and a card with the website on it that just said, "You are loved, you are valued and you are a treasure." I went up to the club doors twice but never went in. We were 100% successful at getting all our gift bags accepted. Some of the girls were able to go inside the clubs. Harmony was able to have a good conversation with one of the dancers who told her she would for sure call the number. One of the former dancers in the shuttle shared how freeing it was to have gone back into the club after leaving the industry 17 years ago.
At the second club, I looked in as the door opened just for a moment and saw the girls projected in sillouette on a large screen and I realized that God wasn't going to have me go in to the club for a reason. Having grown up with a dad who had difficulty showing me love and then going through the divorce, the promiscuity (even though I saved actual intercourse until college) and the abortion, I feel like I am just now healing as a fully sexual person. I am really for the first time truly understanding how wonderful married sex can be. I think that God didn't want to ruin that.
The second day of the conference, I learned tons. The biggest thing I learned is that when mentoring these girls who have such incredible, overwhelming needs, we don't have to have the answers nor do we need to take responsibility for their recovery. God will do a work in them and transform them. Our role is to love them unconditionally, model healthy boundaries, be there for them consistently, and point them to God. Period. This was so freeing to me.
I am not sure what my role will be other than to take this information back to the ladies at the church and to train them to do this outreach and to mentor hurting women. I also think that the info will be really valuable to Mary in her jail ministry. And maybe the two ministries can combine. I could see myself facilitating support groups for the women and debriefing the teams, maybe even providing consultation to the mentors. I will pray and wait and see.
I was distracted from the start having just left Joel at USC, all that is going on at home with my parents, and not feeling real well from a cold. They talked about the ministry and the outreach and I couldn't concentrate well. I was concerned about how I would get back to the hotel for the break. I needed food and rest and to regroup and freshen up. When they started talking about the actual outreach and what we would see in the clubs--full nudity, lap dances, and that we'd be going into "hostess clubs" or brothels, I started to feel afraid. What in the world was I doing here? I wanted to skip the outreach part and I considered just staying at the hotel. So when the afternoon ended, I stood up and asked if anyone was going to the hotel. A lady Pastor said she was so I rode back. I tried to rest, called home to check on Dad, ate some food from the vending machine and washed my face and changed into a black jacket and my boots and jeans and went back to the Treasures office. I still felt distracted and scared and did NOT want to see anyone doing a naked lap dance!
When I got there, there was a gal sitting alone and I remembered she'd said she'd been in the industry previously and she'd come alone too. She looked terrified. I went over to her and asked if she was ok. She said she wanted to leave, that she wasn't like the other girls and she had no idea why she was there. I told her I felt the exact same way! I started saying all the exact things I need to hear myself--that God wanted her there for a reason and that He knew what her purpose was--maybe she could reach the girls no one else could! Then another girl, Sharon, who was all put together and confident looking came over and said she was scared too! We all prayed together. We all worshipped as a group and it helped me focus some and calm down some. Then we all stood and they asked for volunteers to pray. Usually, God lays it on my heart to pray but for some reason, He didn't at all that weekend. We prayed for the bouncers, managers, house moms, the team, the girls on the team who'd be going back into the clubs for the first time after leaving the industry, all the girls in the clubs and over the gifts bags themselves. They told us that we were to just give the gifts to the girls and express unconditional love toward them. I felt weird about this because I was leaving and would never see them again but they explained that we were to gain trust for Treasures in general.
We divided up into two shuttles. One would go to downtown LA and mine was headed to Hollywood, Sunset Strip and West LA. I was excited to see these places I've never been. I sat on the shuttle with Sharon, a neat gal who is head of a ministry that encourages women to be in the Word. I shared my story with her and tried to stay focused but I did keep breaking their rules by texting the family.
We paired up and took turns going into the clubs to give the gifts to the girls. The bags had lip gloss, cool earrings and a card with the website on it that just said, "You are loved, you are valued and you are a treasure." I went up to the club doors twice but never went in. We were 100% successful at getting all our gift bags accepted. Some of the girls were able to go inside the clubs. Harmony was able to have a good conversation with one of the dancers who told her she would for sure call the number. One of the former dancers in the shuttle shared how freeing it was to have gone back into the club after leaving the industry 17 years ago.
At the second club, I looked in as the door opened just for a moment and saw the girls projected in sillouette on a large screen and I realized that God wasn't going to have me go in to the club for a reason. Having grown up with a dad who had difficulty showing me love and then going through the divorce, the promiscuity (even though I saved actual intercourse until college) and the abortion, I feel like I am just now healing as a fully sexual person. I am really for the first time truly understanding how wonderful married sex can be. I think that God didn't want to ruin that.
The second day of the conference, I learned tons. The biggest thing I learned is that when mentoring these girls who have such incredible, overwhelming needs, we don't have to have the answers nor do we need to take responsibility for their recovery. God will do a work in them and transform them. Our role is to love them unconditionally, model healthy boundaries, be there for them consistently, and point them to God. Period. This was so freeing to me.
I am not sure what my role will be other than to take this information back to the ladies at the church and to train them to do this outreach and to mentor hurting women. I also think that the info will be really valuable to Mary in her jail ministry. And maybe the two ministries can combine. I could see myself facilitating support groups for the women and debriefing the teams, maybe even providing consultation to the mentors. I will pray and wait and see.
USC
Went to see Joel in LA last weekend and blogged in my journal--will copy it here:
This is such a unique place. The busy-ness reminds me of New York--constant traffic, tons of people always moving but more bikes and pedestrians and skateboards. The grocery store reminded me of Mexico City--about as many hispanic folks and spanish being spoken and limited selection and dirty floors. The prices were low, too, expecially the produce which makes sense. The people here are unique--all fashion forward--not dressy, just edgy, cooler. The weather is amazing--right about skin temp--a little warmer in the afternoon and a little cooler in the evening. No more that a light breeze ever and often its perfectly still. There are palm trees and stucco buildings and flowers and food trucks and lots of sunshine (and smog this morning).
Visit so far: Getting to the airport, parking and flight were perfect--I even had a great nap on the plane with no one sitting next to me. Joel met me on the corner where the shuttle dropped me off and we walked to his apartment. It's above the pool and is very quiet, simple, serene. His rommates are calm and quiet and nice. Right when I arrived, the USC housing people came around with an adorable beagle dog who was sniffing for bed bugs. Interesting. We relaxed then walked about half an hour and had a nice breakfast at Jacks and Jo. We stopped by one of Joel's class buildings on the way back then rested at the apartment. He went to class and I napped then we walked to the grocery store. The lady in front of my had two credit cards decline so I paid for her groceries--about $50. Ours turned out to be about half as much as I'd estimated so that was cool. We got back to Joel's apartment and went to Joel's friend Alicia's apartment so they could inteview each other for a frat assignment. I tagged along. He's very busy. He's at class now so I'm people watching.
This is such a unique place. The busy-ness reminds me of New York--constant traffic, tons of people always moving but more bikes and pedestrians and skateboards. The grocery store reminded me of Mexico City--about as many hispanic folks and spanish being spoken and limited selection and dirty floors. The prices were low, too, expecially the produce which makes sense. The people here are unique--all fashion forward--not dressy, just edgy, cooler. The weather is amazing--right about skin temp--a little warmer in the afternoon and a little cooler in the evening. No more that a light breeze ever and often its perfectly still. There are palm trees and stucco buildings and flowers and food trucks and lots of sunshine (and smog this morning).
Visit so far: Getting to the airport, parking and flight were perfect--I even had a great nap on the plane with no one sitting next to me. Joel met me on the corner where the shuttle dropped me off and we walked to his apartment. It's above the pool and is very quiet, simple, serene. His rommates are calm and quiet and nice. Right when I arrived, the USC housing people came around with an adorable beagle dog who was sniffing for bed bugs. Interesting. We relaxed then walked about half an hour and had a nice breakfast at Jacks and Jo. We stopped by one of Joel's class buildings on the way back then rested at the apartment. He went to class and I napped then we walked to the grocery store. The lady in front of my had two credit cards decline so I paid for her groceries--about $50. Ours turned out to be about half as much as I'd estimated so that was cool. We got back to Joel's apartment and went to Joel's friend Alicia's apartment so they could inteview each other for a frat assignment. I tagged along. He's very busy. He's at class now so I'm people watching.
Monday, September 5, 2011
God is so good
I have just been through one of the most difficult weeks of my life. Every single time I have been through something rough, I am blown away but how good God is and how He provides all we need and more always, but even more during trials. There were so many blessings this week. I want to share them with you but also preserve them here. So most of you know that on Monday last week, I got a call at work from my brother that Jean took an overdose of pills and was being rushed to Shawnee Mission Hospital. I left work and got there in time for her to sort of wake up. I came home that night and went to work the next day to get things organized to go back and was surrounded with love and support from my work friends. All week I received texts and calls and emails from all my friends and family and I felt their love and prayers. I spent all week in KC drawing closer to Jean, who apparently needed us so much more than she let on, and had some really awesome times with my dad this week and also my brother. Jean was able to really hug me close and to share her heart with me. We prayed together and cried together many times this week. One special memory is several times as we were leaving the floor, I asked if we could pray and the three of us, Dad, Jean and I would come close with our arms around each other and foreheads touching, praying and crying together. Dad shared his heart with me quite a bit this week also as he wrestled with what happened with Jean but also trying to come to terms with his Alzheimers. I now understand that someone as intelligent and as social as my Dad can fool people into thinking they aren't as progressed with the disease as they are. The social worker told us that lots of people would spend a few minutes with Dad and say he seems fine (for example, Scott spent about 15 minutes with him and said we are overreacting). The more time we spent with Dad, the more impaired we realize he truly is and the more care he needs. It gives me insight into what Jeanie has been going through. Sure, my Dad seems fine. In fact, he is much mellower and easier to get along with than ever. But he wanders in the night and other times. He forgets and even gets into his meds at the wrong times. But he is funny and I really enjoyed my week with him. Night before last we put steaks on the grill and sipped mai tais on the patio and we both really enjoyed ourselves. Dad asked me, "Does Scott do crazy things like this with you?" Each morning we sat together at the breakfast bar in the kitchen eating our cereal and sipping coffee. Yesterday he offered me a year's salary to come live with them. We went for a long walk on a cool trail in the woods and chatted the whole time. We laughed and joked together. On one walk, I told him he gets around pretty well for an old guy and he said, "I'm slowing waaaay down for you." Another awesome blessing was a social worker from the Alzheimer's Association that I just ended up on the phone with (coincidence? I don't think so). She had sooo much knowledge and compassion. She spent two hours on Sunday of Labor Day weekend with us as she recognized the crisis. I learned so much about resources and Alzheimers and she really helped Dave and I come together on some decisions and make a plan. I was able to switch from flailing around to a planned attack. I was able to come home to get ready to head into a tough work week (but I know that God will be with me). My brother is so amazing to take on so much since he lives closer to both Dad and Mom. Really, truly, this has been an incredibly tough week but I feel closer to Dad, to Jean, to my brother, and I feel so much closer to God. No matter how close I get to Him and how endless His wisdom, mercy and provisions seem, there is no end to Him, there is just infinitely more that He has for me. It is so amazing to hit a huge crisis like this and just feel His arms around me and I just lean back into Him and watch Him work out all the details in miraculous ways I could never dream of. We will probably place Dad and Jean in one of the super nice retirement villages there in KC where they will get all they need and we can go see them without worrying about them. A few more details to work out and this will all be ok.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)